I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
