It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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