Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
