Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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