Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
