You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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