That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
