he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
