what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
