I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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