You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
