i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
