this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
