no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize