my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
