Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
