How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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