I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
