i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
