I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude i'm inner monologue high
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
