so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
