Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
