im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
