so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize