I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
