oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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