Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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