I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
