dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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