I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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