he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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