wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
