census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
