That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
