didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
