I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
