He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
