Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
