well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
