she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
