i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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