my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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