he was CRYING into my vagina
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
