i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I believe in your delicious
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
