My brain says no but my pants say off.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
