Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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