Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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