Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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