she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
