I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize