Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
