the condom got lost in my hair
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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