THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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