I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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