That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
