i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
