omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
