Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
