It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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