sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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