remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
