the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
