just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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