if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
