Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you had me at cake vodka
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
