Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize