Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
