I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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