he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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